Reality Bits (Housewives Edition)

1. Celebrity Thievery

Kim Richards who has the dubious distinction of being too messy for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and is therefore an ex-Housewife, pled no contest to shoplifting from the Target in Van Nuys. She was sentenced to attend 52 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, 300 hours of community labor and can no longer shop (if that's the word) at the Target in Van Nuys. Tribulations trail in Richards' wake: in addition to being kicked off Housewives (for real, how much of a fuck up do you have to be to get fired by Bravo!?), she also walked out of a Dr. Phil interview, got wasted at daughter Brooke's Mexico wedding, and at one point reportedly was living in her car.

But I come here not to cast stones at Richards (who clearly has issues) but to discuss a tendency I've noticed among celebrities to, how do you say, liberate shit from random places. I have been in the company of more than one celebrity who'll just pick up something in a store/showroom we're in and just walk on out with it. Most of the time they get away with it, although I was once extremely gratified when a particularly pernicious thief was stopped in her tracks and was forced to yammer her way out of it. And I still think I was more embarrassed than she was.

But the fascinating thing is that often the stuff being stolen isn't that desirable (or certainly not worth going to the clink over). Richards, for instance, zeroed in on multiple make up cases, markers, stickers and something that looks intriguingly like a dildo (but isn't because Target). I, in turn, have seen celebs steal equally random stuff from production including: a bag of garbage bags; a couple of coolers (the Production Manager who requested them back was fired); a set of multi-colored velour track suits and quantities of craft that would fill several storage units.

I don't know why getting famous increases your predisposition to steal. Is it that you just get so much for free that you come to expect it? Cuz based on my experience thievery's a celebrity pandemic.

2. The Ginger Prince

Nothing warms my soul as much as when I can combine my first love, gossip, with discussions of reality. Thus I am delighted to send you to this article from the Daily Mail that postulates that Camilla, (AKA Charles' former sidepiece, AKA the current Duchess of Cornwall) is currently on the hunt for a bride for everyone's favorite royal Hot Prince Harry (AKA the Ginger Prince).

But how, you might say, is this about Reality? (You might also say I just want an excuse to go looking for images like this, this and even this.) Well, one obstacle to Camilla's matchmaking is that Harry, according to the DM, "has developed a penchant for the company of older, more worldly women on whose discretion he can rely." Funny that they used the word discretion, because the (former) spare to the throne was not being quite as discreet when he had a quickie with Real Housewives of DC cast member Cat Ommanney, during production on that show.

Older ladies may be discreet, but production staff, not so much!


3. Contextless Yes

Finally, Vicky Gunvalson "confessed" on the Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion that her ex, Brooks Ayers abused her (among other things). Much is being made of the fact that when Andy Cohen asked her if she was afraid of Brooks she "timidly nodded her head 'yes'." Now quite possibly he is abusive and she is frightened of him, but I will tell you this: we can find a "yes" or nod from pretty much anywhere in a sequence of footage and place it where we want it (for instance after a question like, "Are you afraid of him?").

So I wouldn't be taking anything that appears on a reality show as gospel, especially when it comes to something as loaded as this. Not everyone out there is sue happy, and I am aware of at least one other instance on Bravo where someone told an extremely damaging and bald-faced lie about another character, and got away with it. Legal be lax.

#princeharry #kimrichards #rhoc #rhbh #rhdc

Some Thoughts on the Latest WGA-Related E-Mail

UPDATE:: Yesterday Original Media and the Writer's Guild of America East signed a settlement!  WHOOT!!

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The below landed in my e-mail today, and I must admit, I have not been this delighted to receive a communication since my boy cat took a dump in the middle of the study floor.  (And that asshole's litter box is clean, Goddamnit!)

Nonetheless, the text was somewhat less traumatizing to read than e-mails of this ilk have historically been. See for yourself:

Hi all -  

It’s been a few months since I joined Original Media, and I’ve really enjoyed working with everyone here.  I love the creativity, professionalism and dedication I’ve seen and can’t wait for the months and years ahead.  Thank you for all you do to make OM the highly-respected production company it is!

I wanted to address some things going on with the WGAE (Writers Guild of America East) that may have come to your attention.  This isn’t my favorite part of the job, but I feel it’s important to give you truthful information so you all know what’s going on, especially in light of the Guild’s recent e-mail that is so false and deliberately misleading.  

You may be wondering why the Guild is trying to change your opinion on how we operate.  The answer is that the Guild apparently doesn’t want you or anyone else to know – even though it represents you – that the primary reason we don’t have a contract with the Guild is because OM has not agreed to the Guild’s demand that all Producers and APs be forced to pay costly union dues and initiation fees.  This is called a “union security” provision, and if OM agreed to it, the Guild would have the right to require OM to terminate any Producer or Assistant Producer who failed to pay union dues after 30 days employment.  OM’s position is that the employees should decide for themselves whether they want to pay dues.

The Guild would like everyone to believe that other issues like health insurance are driving the negotiations, but they really aren’t.  I’m now regularly attending the negotiations and OM and the Guild have all but agreed on all issues except for union security. The Guild is willing to hurt the Company and put our shows and employees in jeopardy in order to force you to pay union dues.  It's obvious why the Guild doesn’t want you to know this.  If you read back through all of your e-mails from the Guild and all the press releases issued by the Guild, you will not find a single mention of union security or union dues in any of them. 

I apologize for the long email, but I thought it was important for you to have the facts.  I will be in touch with further emails in the months ahead to discuss healthcare and how the Guild has rewritten the history behind OM implementing a healthcare plan in 2015. 

Looking forward to continuing to work together and updating everyone on exciting new things happening at OM!  And as always, please feel free to ask any questions you have regarding this process. 

Thank you so much!

********

Credit where credit is due, this missive lacks the usual hysterical tone that tends to infuse messages of this sort, possessing instead a more friendly (albeit a trifle cloying) tone. Line breaks would have been nice between paragraphs, and I could have done with a smidge less underlining, but I appreciate the overall chatty quality.

I was also quite touched to discover that OM is concerned about those pesky dues that Unions WILL INSIST on receiving in exchange for the multitudinous benefits they deliver including decent working hours, overtime pay, and, yes, health care.

I feel obliged to go on the record, though, and say that I, for one, don't want negotiations to be held up on my behalf when it comes to dues. I would be happy to pay them.  Should others be in agreement with me in this regard, perhaps we can let OM know so that the negotiations can proceed.

UPDATE:: Marissa Schlesinger provides a summary of my feelings in verse -

About unions there are certain truths:
Protection, a voice and-yes-dues 
Good benefits, yay!
Also overtime pay!
Don't fall for your management's ruse

Speaking Up for the Kardashian (crazy, I know)

It is a testament to the ubiquity of Kardashian Klan that my seventy-something father-in-law, who doesn't watch television "because it's shit," has recently (and somewhat horrifyingly) emerged as an expert on Kim. And while I would rather stab myself repeatedly in the head with a dull fork than watch their show, there's a shitton of Klan facts clotting up my brain. For one thing I know that they are called the Klan.

For another I know that matriarch Kris Jenner whores out her family relentlessly (literally, in the case of Kim's exquisitely produced sex tape whose release spurned the Keeping Up With the Kardashians juggernaut); that Michael K at Dlisted has tagged her Pimp Mama K (PMK) and Satan's Homegirl, labels that have caught fire across the inter webs; that her other nickname is "a source" in multitudinous TMZ and E! articles about the family. 

I know that Kim married some dude named Kris Humphries (dumping him immediately thereafter) seemingly solely to provoke the ratings bonanza that was their televised wedding.  

I know that she has since married Kanye West. 

Finally, I know that Khloe Kardashian was married to Lamar Odom (I don't follow basketball, so this is the only way I know of him) and that he was struggling with an addiction that many seem to attribute to his involvement with the Klan. 

This is a family born for the side eye.

And yet, I find myself surprisingly inclined to defend them amidst the vitriol that Odom's recent OD has unleashed. The moment commentators became aware that Khloe and Kris had gone to his Vegas hospital, folks seized their pitchforks. Apparently, it was impossible to believe that Lamar's almost ex-wife and her mother might legitimately want to be by his bedside. Or that her older sister might later join them to show support. 

Accusations that they had taken cameras from KUWTK along with them to the hospital were soon disproven. And commentators even begrudgingly conceded that maybe the K Klan's concern about Odom might be valid. However, they warned, only time will tell how genuine that concern might be: if the OD storyline is covered on the show, that will prove that PMK, Kim and Khloe really are just in it for the bucks!

Well, why wouldn't/shouldn't it be covered in the show? ::Ducks for cover::

There are those (many in this industry) who will say, look, Odom signed a release, he's fair game. I won't even go there. (I strongly question whether people truly understand what signing a release means when you are dealing with the likes of us, but that's a conversation for another post). Rather, I need to point out that KUWTK is a Docu-Soap, and on a Docu-Soap the participants' lives are the show. If this were about Jeff Probst and Survivor, we would not be having this conversation. His off-camera life would be irrelevant.

KUWTK, however, is about the K family, a family that is extremely present in both the tabloid and mainstream press. Odom isn't some random guy who Khloe happens to have sunk her claws into; this is the woman's almost ex-husband, and she happens to have the legal responsibility to determine his medical care. So, not covering the overdose would be glaring. 

How are they (the producers or the cast) supposed to continue shooting a show about this family without addressing the fact that the ex of one of them almost died? And, as much as you might hate the K Klan, surely you acknowledge that Khloe has the right to represent/discuss her own life. And if Odom doesn't want to appear, or his family dislikes how he's portrayed, a mere threat of a lawsuit generally convinces producers to remove offending material (just ask the cast and producers of Love and Hip Hop). 

Which doesn't mean I think this is all kittens and rainbows. Do I think that producers will want this material covered because of the potential ratings boost? Of course. As individuals, they may or may not care for Odom (likely they do: it happens when you're shooting with someone), but they will also want to include this kind of material because it benefits a show with declining numbers. PMK, in turn, is equally invested in seeing the material on the air, and for the same reason. But none of this proves or disproves that Khloe has genuine feeling for her ex. 

I can't speak to the state of Khloe Kardashian's soul. Or to whether Pimp Mama Kris has one. Either way, the scales won't be tipped for me if his OD is included in the show. And I do think that covering a character forced to confront the potential death of a loved one, is something that, as a producer, I would want to do. And I believe (in this one instance!) that doing so is completely ethical. 

#kimkardashian #kuwtk #kardashians #khloekardashian #prayforlamarodom #lamarodom

WGA (and all things good)

This one's for the industry folks out there. (Are you out there?) 

As you are aware, the Writer's Guild East has been doing an excellent job of organizing Reality producers in New York. At this point they have landed, among others, Sharp Entertainment, Original Media, and most recently Leftfield Entertainment. Unionization is long overdue in this extremely abusive industry that has been taking advantage of the lack of any recourse for workers. (Producers, e.g., are routinely expected to put in up to 18 hour days, while accruing no corresponding overtime.)

However, what is often lost in the discussion about unionization (read: screaming matches and hysterical e-mails), is that collective bargaining would probably not even be necessary (or a painful adjustment for management) if Reality companies approached the production of their shows in a thoughtful and efficient manner. 

If, for example, we went into the field with a clear idea of what we wish to return with, and actually actively directed in the field, all the while remaining flexible to, you know, reality as it develops, it might not be necessary for field crews to shoot for hours upon endless hours, hoping to catch a throw-down.  Similarly, post producers wouldn't have to be up until 2 a.m. wading through largely unusable footage in an attempt to make sense of its vast meaninglessness.

Instead, no one company seems to learn from mistakes made (or even successes achieved) in their own productions, let alone those of neighboring companies, choosing instead to approach each new show as if it were OMG.FIRST.TIME EVAH!! We don't even have fixed job descriptions so, say, a Supervising Story Producer will have completely different job duties from one company to another. (Not that we're ever given job descriptions which, I dunno, might help everyone understand what is expected of themselves and others - something pretty useful in the insane whirligig of fun that is Production.) 

There is also no active effort to engage in thoughtful discussion about this almost 30-year-old industry amongst the people who actually produce it. As a result, there is a lot of fuck-uppery that could be easily avoided if we just sought to educate ourselves about what has worked before on similar programming, and what boondoggles might be avoided.

It is in response to this severe lack of self-reflection and developmental education within our industry (or even dialog outside of it, including in the mainstream media) that I <shameless self-promotion>started this blog, have a Reality production program in the works with a local college, and wrote a textbook about Reality production and its various genres</end> this past summer. #needaliteraryagent 

An industry-wide commitment to education would improve the way we function in our jobs now (which could only help to improve working conditions) and also train the next generation of producers.  What a great thing, then, that the WGA seems to be committing to a program of education. 

This Thursday, October 29, the Guild is hosting an event billed "Genre in Non-Fiction TV: Building a Career from Food to Murder," with a view to educating producers about the ways they might advance their careers. (You've already read me carrying on about Reality genre in this blog, including here, here and here.) The panel is impressive and includes my homegirl: Emmy Award winning Executive Producer, Sandy Zweig. I strongly recommend that we support this event, not only for the information we can derive from it, but also because we need to encourage as much discussion within the industry as possible.

Genre in Non-Fiction TV: Building a Career from Food to Murder

Thursday, October 29, 7:30pm

RSVP

Writers Guild of America, East
250 Hudson Street, Suite 700, NYC

Reality Bits

Dance Moms’ teacher Abby Lee Miller has been indicted for fraud. Following an investigation by the FBI, IRS and postal inspectors it has been revealed that Miller hid $755,000 in income. 

I was forced to watch episodes of the Lifetime series a while back when I was showrunning another show featuring kids.  As I was told more than once that our show should in no way be like Dance Moms I felt obliged to watch it. Who knew how much that shit would trigger me?    

As a formerly serious ballet dancer I am sadly well acquainted with the sadists who find a calling as dance teachers, but Miller takes things to a whole new level. 

Suffice it to say, I'm not exactly saddened to hear about her legal issues. Fingers crossed they will also result in her child abusing show getting cancelled!

#DanceMoms

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Next, a couple new things to report on the Duggar front (the family has provided much fodder for this blog): Anna Duggar, long-suffering spouse of Josh-the-molester, has sold their home in Arkansas and moved her family to Florida (where her own cultish family lives).  Some folks are hoping this is a sign that Anna may divorce the Duggar, but I wouldn't hold my breath.    

In seemingly unrelated (but likely not so unrelated) news Michelle Duggar gave the following advice to a pregnant fan asking about how to be the best wifey despite her condition: 

"You've got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob's shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy.  So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don't forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need."

Some publications believe this is shade aimed at Anna, whose husband strayed with porn stars while she was pregnant.  

#19kidsandcounting #freeanna

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Finally, Effie Brown can't win for losing on Project Greenlight.  As discussed earlier on this blog, on the first episode of Project Greenlight she was presented as the Archetypal Black Woman raising issues of diversity in choosing a director. As the the show has unfolded, however, she has been (surprisingly) recast as The Man as in "The Man is keeping me down."   

In Project Greenlight terms, The Man is whoever stands in the way of the Visionary Director. In the real world as well as on the show, that would be the Producer (AKA the person who controls the budget). As Producer, a role she has successfully inhabited IRL, Brown made the perfectly reasonable suggestion that the Visionary Director Jason Mann shoot his film on a digital format rather than 35 mm. Well, it's reasonable unless you are wrapped up in the mythology of the whole Visionary Director schtick.  Because Visionary Directors only shoot on film. So Jason was obliged to go over Brown's head to get the format he wanted.  

In this fascinating interview with Indiewire, Brown discusses her experience on the show, and why doing it was a bad idea. 

As I always say, kids, when it comes to appearing on a Reality show: JUST SAY NO!!!!

#damonsplaining #projectgreenlight

Barry Diller is Wrong

“I just think it’s a phenomenon of reality television as politics. [...] Nobody wants to watch reality television of two housewives sitting in a room taking about where they’re going to go get their hair done. It’s all about conflict. Donald Trump, all he is is about conflict, and all that he is is negative conflict."
Media Mogul Barry Diller speaking at Bloomberg Markets Most Influential Summit

Last Tuesday Media Mogul Barry Diller weighed in on Donald Trump's candidacy, saying it is little more than a Reality spectacle. (This is a boring observation that has been made by many others, but has gotten  more press because Diller said it).

Diller knows a thing or two about Reality programming, having co-founded Fox with his pal Rupert Murdock.  As a result he is, in fact, responsible for producing the first Reality show COPS  (in an effective effort at undermining the pesky unions that control narrative programming).

However, I beg to differ with his analysis of the primary as Reality and particularly his comparing the current situation to, for instance, a Housewives show. That's offensive both to the Housewives casts, and Reality as a whole.

Frankly, these candidates are producing piss poor Reality footage. Yeah, sure, we have some nice archetypes developing what with Fiorina really owning her Wicked Witch persona, Ben Carson providing plenty of yucks with his Village Idiot routine, and Trump lording over it all like the Ring Master of the Dingaling Circus.

But while we've got a whole bunch of incendiary statements out there, we've no actual conflict. As Diller should know a comment is not conflict. Conflict arises when one character reacts to another character's incendiary statement, and we've got none of that here. All we've got is a bunch of assholes muttering about rapist immigrants; the similarity between 9/11 and Obamacare; and the boss job they did running a company into the ground; to be met with silence from the rest of the field.

Why does Trump even bother taking a shit on John McCain's war record, if McCain's ally Jeb Bush is gonna just sulk in a corner in response?

What's the point of the Wicked Witch Fiorina lying through her teeth about imaginary Planned Parenthood videos, if there isn't someone who's gonna pull a bitch's weave over it??! You know you're really amateur hour when Kenya Moore of Housewives of Atlanta has a more apt response than any of the candidates flailing out there.

Finally, how come Carson gets to blather on about bullet ridden bodies being better than gun control if no one is gonna choke him Mob Wives style on a trip to Vegas?

The closest we got to a Reality moment occurred when Fiorina confronted Trump about his implication that she was too ugly to govern, but it really lacked some kind of physical follow through.

In short, as Reality goes, the whole thing sucks. This is a bunch of fuck ups spouting soundbites into a vacuum. There are no counter-points. There is no Story. If only the primary were at least as interesting as your average Reality show.

And as for Diller's proclamation that if Trump wins he plans to leave the country, here's my counter: thanks for sharting out the Reality genre in the first place, and then taking off when it starts to smell.  Asshole.

#primaries #diller #trump #fiorina

The Return of the Dread Duggars (AKA TLC Wants the Mon-ay)

Few of my closest acquaintances would accuse me of being an optimist. They'd laugh at the idea. And yet, there I was hoping that TLC would have stuck to the decision they so reluctantly came to to remove the Duggar clan from the air.

Instead, the broadcaster has announced it will air "specials" in the coming months focused on Jill and Jessa Duggar (not coincidentally two of the sisters Josh Duggar is on record as having abused). This is clearly part of the long game in which TLC has been engaged - first waiting a full 3 months to make sure we wouldn't just forget about the whole Josh issue, then rolling out the least desirable special of all time (to prove, you know, that they care), and finally, now welcoming a family that facilitates molestation back to the air.

And have no doubt, these new specials will also feature the horror show known as the Duggar parents (who failed to report their son's behavior after it had been pointed out to them more than once). No doubt the family as a whole will benefit financially (on the upside - less begging for money from their followers). No doubt those specials will evolve into a series.

Any right-thinking person would have to concede that these two women should not be victimized (again) for the sins of their paedophile brother; they are the least tarnished by this scandal, which is why the Duggar comeback is being packaged around them. Additionally, time heals all social media wounds. A cursory examination of articles announcing the return of the family (sans Josh) as well as the 15,000 Kids and Counting FB page, indicates that most of those outraged by the original story have since moved on to other inflammatory subjects.

Left behind is the original audience for the show: middle class white folks based in the middle of the country who tend towards evangelical Christianity i.e. not us crazy Queers on the coasts some of whom happen to produce the programming said Christians watch (unless Mamma Michelle gets us fired, that is). Those folks are thrilled to invite the Duggars back into their homes (They never understood why the liberal media elite were so hung up on the small matter of molestation - and the covering up thereof - in the first place.)

This is the audience responsible for the 19 million dollars in ad sale revenue TLC was raking in. Anyone who has ever worked for TLC knows that white middle-class folks in the middle of the country is their target demographic, and that they program accordingly.  (Fun game: watch a night of TLC programming and count the number of Black and Latino people featured versus the Whites.)  And let's not kid ourselves - all networks make these kinds of choices to a greater or lesser degree depending upon their audience.

That being said, programming the Duggars is pretty fucking cynical, given how damaging their way of life has proven to be.

For instance, I can't help but feel that Josh Duggar's issues (and he evidently has more than one) arise out of the environment he grew up in. How can a child come to terms with his sexuality when, on the one hand, his parents are fucking like bunnies but on the other he's getting his wrists tied together when he's caught masturbating?

Then there's whole repopulating the world with white Christians that the Quiverfull folks are largely endorsing; and let's not fool ourselves that this isn't about race - take a good look at this search on Quiverfull adherents.  Notice anything?

Finally, there's that asshole Bill Gothard, the spiritual leader of the Duggars, who's a committed paedophile himself.

And this isn't just about TLC (or Discovery). Why is there such a commitment across broadcasters to, say, celebrate the wives of criminals, encourage women to get into physical fights, and implicitly provoke cops to "perform for camera" with deadly consequences?

Is it really too much to ask that broadcasters (and production companies) behave as responsible citizens in their programming choices? Are there really so few topics for programming, that we can't have programming free of right wing nutjobs and thugs? Can we really not create shows more like Little People, Big World, and cast aside the shit likes Mob Wives?

Based on what I'm seeing on the inside, this problematic shit is developed more out of laziness than a lack of viable alternatives. Both production companies and especially broadcasters would far rather copy another successful show, than develop one themselves.

Look, like most (all?) cynics I am actually plagued by idealism. I'm disgruntled with the world not because I believe it is depraved per se, but because I have a vision of how much better it could be. And reality programming, for one, could be a whole lot better if we just tried.