Who the fuck am I kidding, even I want to watch the Anna Duggar interview

This morning I was able to resist embedded previews of the interview quite handily. I was even able to sneer at TLC's appeal to my baser instincts. But as the day has progressed, I have felt myself begin to falter - tempted.

I won't watch it - I do, after all, have a soul - but I'll be dammed if TLC hasn't successfully parlayed a child sex abuse scandal into must-see-TV.

#JillAndJessa
#TCA16

Reality Bits (Network Sluttery Edition)

Apologies to anyone who's noticed my absence. I am currently on set and it's slightly harder to ponder the malignant entity called Reality TV when you have a cast member threatening to bust open your head. Onwards and downwards...

1) The Donald Trump Show Finds a Cast (Finally!)

Donald Trump has been branded the Reality candidate for the GOP nomination. What makes Trump good Reality Talent is that he knows how to create a soundbite. When we're editing shows with people like Trump they make it easy for us in edit because we get to pick and choose between provocative sound bites and then play them against a stunned or angry or upset reaction shot from someone else in the cast.

However, as I mentioned in an earlier blog, the GOP nomination race has yet to "rise" to a level of a Reality show because the other robots running aren't giving him any reactions to work with. Besides, let's face it, Trump is simply the pimple on top of the festering Republican sore. However, it seems that the TV news media has proven willing to step in.

Reporters (television, but also online and so-called print for that matter) are filling in the role of the horrified or thrilled recipients of his blather. And much like Reality cast members they spend an undue amount of time having discussions about the meaning of his latest offense/genius. In Reality we call those "fallout scenes" and they tend to happen in fancy bars/restaurants. The only difference here is the fallout scenes happen on news sets.

CNN is The Scandalized Innocent!
FOX is The Enabler!
Lindsay Graham is Once a Bestie, Now a Backstabber!

So I stand corrected, the GOP nomination is a Reality show attempting to pass itself off as news. The amplification of his fuckery doesn't strike me as news.

2) Emotional Anchors

The fact is, there isn't much different between Reality TV and the television news these days. In fact, I was struck during the coverage of the Paris attacks at the number of CNN reporters who were obviously faking sadness/tears about the events. Clearly they have been given direction from on high that emotion sells. Who knows, it may, I'm not a good sample audience.  

I find this stuff infuriating because while genuine emotional moments (Cronkite crying upon learning of Kennedy's death and Jon Stewart being overcome after 9/11, come to mind) make for powerful television, fake emotion is just shite and offensive to my intelligence as a viewer, not to mention a Reality producer - fake tears are the absolute worst when you're in edit.

3) Digging the Duggars and the (broadcaster) Benefits of a Police Shooting

TLC, as has been discussed before, has never encountered a molestation scandal that they don't view ripe fodder for ratings. The first part of TLC's special on Josh Duggar's sisters Jill and Jessa, who were also his molestation victims, airs December 13. I would provide a link, but fuck TLC I'm not promoting them. Instead I give you this. 

The leadup to Jill & Jessa: Counting On has been an interview on Good Morning America with Josh's long-suffering wife Anna, as well as appearances of the two sisters. Blech. Naturally, TLC's numbers for this dreck will be through the roof.

The ends to which networks will go to mine controversy in the name of numbers is ever expanding. I recently heard tell of a show where the network seized upon the controversy over the police shooting of Laquan McDonald in Chicago as a great "opportunity" (and I quote) for one of their shows.

Pardon me, but after this post I need to take several showers.

#TCA16

Fear and Loathing in Reality TV: Development Edition

"Fear is the mind-killer.” George Herbert, Dune. 

"Our fears are like dragons guarding our most precious treasure." Rainer Maria Rilke.

After the attacks in Paris, Beirut, Bamaco, Tunis (and counting), there’s a fair amount of fear around these days. Fear can be handy if you’re a politician. George Bush used it to motivate a war against Iraq, a secular country that didn’t attack America, while choosing to ignore Wahhabist Saudi Arabia from whence Bin Laden and most of the hijackers hailed. Now cohorts in his party are using it to reject the refugees they produced by fucking up that war. It seems that fear can be wielded to justify just about anything. 

But fear also informs the decisions we think we’re making freely. Specifically the stupid/destructive ones. It is certainly rampant in every aspect of Reality television production; its prevalence is so all-encompassing that to do it justice I will serialize this discussion. Let’s call it: Fear and Loathing in Reality TV. For the purposes of this exercise I’ll walk you through the development, production and edit of a hypothetical Reality show called, The Rarin’ Oliveris.

PART ONE: DEVELOPMENT

The story starts, as must any story of this ilk, with the owner of a Production Company—we'll call him Bob—and, because Bob is that kind of guy, his company’s named Bob’s Your Uncle Productions. Bob's actually a pretty insecure guy. He doesn't have a whole lot of experience in the industry, and started the company with money from his in-laws, who refinanced their home. Bob sold a series last year which kept things afloat, but until (when!) that gets renewed he needs to keep selling. He needs to make his overhead.

Now, while most people not in the industry assume networks and cable channels produce their own shows, this is not the case. Companies like Bob’s Your Uncle pitch show ideas to networks. When a network buys a show, they basically provide the pitching production company with the budget to produce it.  

Bob recently found out that let's say TLC is looking for family-oriented shows: stuff with a heart but also a twist. Like, say, the Duggars, without the molestation. As luck would have it, Bob knows just such a family: the Oliveris of Staten Island. The Oliveris have a family rock 'n roll band that plays gigs around New Jersey. Mom plays keyboard, daughter plays drums, son shakes a mean tambourine, and dad takes lead vocals. Outside of being a band, though, they're a regular, very tight-knit family. 

Bob's nervous. Any money he uses to shoot what we call a sizzle reel is wasted if it doesn't sell. Still, TLC's looking for this kind of thing, the Oliveris are real over-the-top type Reality characters,  and also ... Staten Island. If he doesn't pitch this, someone else will. So he musters resources to shoot a sizzle. He tries to keep the cost of production down (read: unpaid interns and possibly an underpaid Associate Producer) but still has to drop a couple of thousand dollars in editing. He just hopes he's made the right decision producing this pitch. 

Bob shoots at least ten of these a year and sometimes he doesn't sell any of them. So, he spends about $20K on Development a year (and, frankly, this is vastly understating the number of pitches production companies probably make each year). This is a scary amount of money to throw against the wall in the hopes of something sticking.

The day of the Network meeting an anxious Bob arrives with three sizzle reels (he’s modified two other pitches so that they meet the family-with-a-twist spec) and a desperate smile. The network exec's late; there’s a new Head of Programming at the network and there have been nonstop meetings since his arrival. (Unbeknownst to fearful Bob, the exec herself is terrified that the new boss will toss her like the other execs who’ve recently been let go). She's sorry but she only has ten minutes. 

Bob bobs his head, of course, of course while calculating internally which pitch to discard - he won't have time for three. So, what have you got to show me? Bob hits plays on his first sizzle, a pitch about an Alaskan survivalist family. Bob's on the edge of his seat. This is a strong concept (and is secretly Bob's favorite) but as he unspools the sample the network exec is constantly checking her email. Shit, he's really not getting traction with this one. 

Survive! Alaska is a bust. Bob moves onto the The Rarin' Oliveris. The network exec's still checking her phone but she seems faintly amused by footage of mom and dad getting into a fight about wardrobe. Bob perks up. The executive looks down at her phone. Fuck. He raises the audio to get her attention. The sizzle cuts to the Oliveris doing a show at a Staten Island church venue. The executive glances up. “Ooh, a church!” she says. As it happens, the new Head of Programming specifically wants more Christian family programming. What would be really good, she says, is if the Oliveris were actually Christians seeking to spread the Word by singing Bible-inspired songs at Christian venues. Would this be possible?

Well, no, not really. The Oliveris are many things, but church-going ain’t one of them. Also, their songs are generally rockabilly with a dash of jazz. But this is the first positive response he's had all meeting. So Bob, motivated by the fear of what will happen if he doesn't make a sale, says sure. He has no idea exactly how such a thing may be executed, or even if it can be, but he starts making all kinds of promises he really can't deliver on.

Bob makes the sale: an eight episode, half-hour series. Only, instead of the show being about a zany Staten Island family called The Rarin' Oliveris, now it's Alleluyah Oliveri. And instead of a docusoap about a hard-drinking, cursing, rock 'n roll family (the reality) it's a docusoap about a family of big characters committed to spreading the word of God (the Reality). Also the budget is pretty small and they want to premiere the show in about, you know, 4 months. Can you do it Bob? Yes! (This is where, in interview bite, we would have Bob confess that he has no idea how to pull this off!!)

CLIFFHANG INTO COMMERCIAL as we say.

Reality Bits

Dance Moms’ teacher Abby Lee Miller has been indicted for fraud. Following an investigation by the FBI, IRS and postal inspectors it has been revealed that Miller hid $755,000 in income. 

I was forced to watch episodes of the Lifetime series a while back when I was showrunning another show featuring kids.  As I was told more than once that our show should in no way be like Dance Moms I felt obliged to watch it. Who knew how much that shit would trigger me?    

As a formerly serious ballet dancer I am sadly well acquainted with the sadists who find a calling as dance teachers, but Miller takes things to a whole new level. 

Suffice it to say, I'm not exactly saddened to hear about her legal issues. Fingers crossed they will also result in her child abusing show getting cancelled!

#DanceMoms

***************

Next, a couple new things to report on the Duggar front (the family has provided much fodder for this blog): Anna Duggar, long-suffering spouse of Josh-the-molester, has sold their home in Arkansas and moved her family to Florida (where her own cultish family lives).  Some folks are hoping this is a sign that Anna may divorce the Duggar, but I wouldn't hold my breath.    

In seemingly unrelated (but likely not so unrelated) news Michelle Duggar gave the following advice to a pregnant fan asking about how to be the best wifey despite her condition: 

"You've got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob's shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy.  So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don't forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need."

Some publications believe this is shade aimed at Anna, whose husband strayed with porn stars while she was pregnant.  

#19kidsandcounting #freeanna

***************

Finally, Effie Brown can't win for losing on Project Greenlight.  As discussed earlier on this blog, on the first episode of Project Greenlight she was presented as the Archetypal Black Woman raising issues of diversity in choosing a director. As the the show has unfolded, however, she has been (surprisingly) recast as The Man as in "The Man is keeping me down."   

In Project Greenlight terms, The Man is whoever stands in the way of the Visionary Director. In the real world as well as on the show, that would be the Producer (AKA the person who controls the budget). As Producer, a role she has successfully inhabited IRL, Brown made the perfectly reasonable suggestion that the Visionary Director Jason Mann shoot his film on a digital format rather than 35 mm. Well, it's reasonable unless you are wrapped up in the mythology of the whole Visionary Director schtick.  Because Visionary Directors only shoot on film. So Jason was obliged to go over Brown's head to get the format he wanted.  

In this fascinating interview with Indiewire, Brown discusses her experience on the show, and why doing it was a bad idea. 

As I always say, kids, when it comes to appearing on a Reality show: JUST SAY NO!!!!

#damonsplaining #projectgreenlight

Reality's Josh Duggar Problem

Well, the Ashley Madison leak happened and in short order Josh Duggar was exposed as having two accounts on the site as well as an OK Cupid profile.  Needless to say, this is delightful to those of us who dislike everything famille Duggar stands for, especially given earlier revelations about Josh, the incestuous paedophile. (ineptly covered up by Mom and Pop Duggar).  But I'm a reality producer, so I'm far more preoccupied by what the story means in terms of what I do for a living than in passing judgement on someone who clearly has issues.  (Oddly enough, I find the Ashley Madison revelation somewhat comforting, as it indicates that at least his present appetites - that we are aware of - involve adults.)

When the molestation story broke, however, I was enraged.  Not at Duggar or his strangely childlike parents--as I have zero expectations where those freaks are concerned--but at TLC.  Based on my (admittedly) obsessive research regarding the abuse, the Springdale cops started investigating the matter in 2006.  This would be after TLC specials about the Duggars had aired, but before they got more specials and, ultimately, a series.  And the matter only came to the attention of the authorities because, as a result of those specials, the family was scheduled to appear on Oprah, and an anonymous individual e-mailed Oprah's producers with information about Duggar's molesting ways.  Those producers, to their infinite credit, canceled the Duggar's appearance and forwarded the info to the Dept. of Health & Human Services hotline (1.800.422.4453), which triggered a Springdale police investigation.

I'm sure that there are those who might question how reporting criminal behavior to authorities is something one should receive infinite credit for.  After all, wouldn't anyone?  Well, um, apparently not the folks at TLC.  Because it frankly beggars belief that TLC and the production company shooting the series were somehow oblivious to these charges. The anonymous e-mailer who contacted Oprah clearly had an axe to grind (let's take a moment to thank baby Jeebus for that grinder and their axe, amen), and would surely not hesitate to contact TLC with the same allegations. Additionally, the accusations against Josh were available in online forums from 2007 onwards.  Thus, unless we assume that in the year of 2007 Discovery Communications had not yet succumbed to the fiendish temptations of the interwebs (and were thus unable to receive e-mail or research their Talent online), we have no choice but to assume that someone(s) knew about it, and chose to ignore it.  

Which is why I was so pissed at TLC in particular, and the industry in general.  Because none of this surprises me.   People who work in reality television are subject to precisely zero rules of personal and professional conduct.  I have only once been given anything resembling ethical instruction on a show and that was: 

don't fuck the Talent 

That's it.  There are no rules about how far we can push the reality (like the degree to which we can fake or just plain make shit up about people); how crews should be treated (PAs on reality in particular are abused to the point where their lack of sleep actually endangers the crew members and cast they drive around); or how far we can let physical fights to develop between characters before stepping in.  The lines are beyond blurred.

Added to that, we work in a genre that celebrates freakish behavior of all kinds (freaks be good TV) and yet we have no regulations in place to address when the purely freaky becomes, you know, fucking criminal. Obviously people should always contact the cops about criminal behavior, but many won't.  We don't wanna lose our jobs or we figure someone else will deal with it or whatever.   Nor is there any incentive to do the right thing.  While Oprah's producers were empowered by their bosses (or boss lady?) to immediately put the kibosh on enablers of child abuse, TLC inspires no similar sense of empowerment.

Just take a look at their dismal response to the Duggar allegations becoming public: a half-assed statement, followed by months of hoping the whole thing would just go away, followed be a begrudging cancellation, followed by sniveling about their loss of revenue.  Oh, but on the upside, they are gifting us with this documentary special on molestation starring the parents who hid their son's abuse and starring some of his victims.  (The last time I was so mortified by a gift was December 1990 when my girlfriend's mother gave me a sailor suit for Christmas.)   I suppose it's too much to expect that a broadcaster with such a history of problematic shows would be capable of more.

Which is why we need a free-standing set of ethical guidelines.

We need a comprehensive list of dos and don'ts to illuminate the otherwise murky endeavor of producing Reality TV.  Because things get so relative it is sometimes difficult to know when you've crossed a line.  Such guidelines could be produced by people working at all levels of the industry, and signed onto at will.  And while most likely not legally binding, signing on would indicate a will to do the right thing.  An oath can be a powerful thing: those of us who have taken the Pledge for Sarah can attest to how it's changed us.  It made this hardened reality producer almost weep.

And we need to do this sooner rather than later.  Because Josh Duggar isn't the only problematic character out there.  He is just the very public tip (yeah, I said it) of an enormous iceberg.

Also, Josh Duggar's brother-in-law is my new favorite dude.

#TCA16